A good measure of the satisfaction of employees of a company is the average tenure of its employees at the company. In this department, the employees of my company demonstrate high levels of dissatisfaction; this month and next month, two employees are leaving after a short spell. Subsequently, the goons need to fill in the holes that these soon-to-be past employees leave behind fairly quickly. And the process of doing so, of course, involves idiocy.
So… like many times at this office, this past week, this was what I was doing:
Out of the blue, T-goon starts rushing in:
“Didn’t you say you have some friend that was interested in working here?”
“Uh… yeah? Did I?”
The problem with T Goon… or let me rephrase… among many problems of T Goon is his utter disregard for explaining context or description of the situation. He just intrudes without an explanation and demands a retort that is sometimes just hard to pull out of your brain when you were either doodling or facebook-ing. In hindsight, I know exactly what he was talking about. He was talking about E, my close friend who expressed an interest in working at the company. E is one of my best friends – we’ve had some awesome adventures together (more on this perhaps some other time). Personality wise, E is a laid back, smart guy with lots of upside to him and I will never wish him agony to work at this god-awful place so I said I’ll put in a word – without expectations. Life works in mysterious ways, however, because the departure of the two current employees suddenly sparks interest of the Goons and he is on the top of the list to be interviewed.
I, somewhat flabbergasted, tell T Goon I will contact him and see where he stands. I want him to be aware of what he is potentially facing so I describe the Highs and Lows of the job.
He finds the company intriguing and finds some merit in the experience and goes into it. Consequently, he rocks the interview and the goons evaluate him.
In the line of work we do at my office, we need some competency at a particular area. Therefore, the goons decide that they should give E a homework to be completed in one day and see his response to make the final call. Of course, the idiot of the group T Goon is assigned the task to convey the daunting task that nobody can possibly do. In fact, it was too daunting for him to even do:
“I think you should send him the homework, get it from him and once you got it, you can give it to me.”
” I know you guys are good friends so why don’t you do the correspondence with him?”
I think about this for a moment. T Goon is in charge of HR. And he’s giving me the duties of such to a potential employee, who is my best friend.
Standards and liability issues apparently do not register in T Goon’s brain. To state the obvious, I tell T Goon the following:
“You realize that this is a perfect setup, if I wanted to just do the homework for my best friend and tell you that he sent it to me and give you the homework, right?”
“Well you know I think it is important to have connections and utilize them so if that is what may be done, I think it should be considered as his ability.”
“… don’t you think that has potential liability issues…. for instance, if Boss Goon finds out?”
“Ok. I’ll send it to him. “
So the task was done. E finished the assignment and they were impressed and the offer letter was sent by T Goon – with grammatical errors. Love this company! I can’t wait to have E on board!
So what we learned today:
1. Idiots around you are not necessarily evil but become evil because their idiocy affects people around them.
2. Absolutely do not, I repeat, do not use common sense logic or assumptions in the office. Use what motivates the idiots – like what they can actually see and feel. Asking foresight to idiots is like trying to teach quantum physics to cows.
Until another episode, so long! and hang in there office goons!